I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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