Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize