Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
