so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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