threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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