you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
