Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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