Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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