Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
