He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
