i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
