11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
