I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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