I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
