You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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