I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
