I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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