I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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