Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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