I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
