he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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