God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she told me i tasted like america
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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