me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize