And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
