i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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