"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
