dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
