Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
