like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
