She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
