VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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