I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
