Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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