it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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