sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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