God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize