I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
