: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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