i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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