i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
