Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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