you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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