Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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