Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
