Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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