Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
