Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize