why didn't you poke me back
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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