I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize