I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
