Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
