My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to