ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...