are you still at the devil's house?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.