i will never coherently bang her
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life