I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.