Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..