dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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