his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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