dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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