I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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