Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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