wanna go halves on a baby?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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