You're my little dorito
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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