How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
