the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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