She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
did i walk over a car last night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
