I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
