Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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