cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My bed smells like the plague
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
